A Holy Relationship

“It’s not a religion, it’s a relationship.”

I remember saying these words in a myriad of ways over multiple conversations with many people - primarily in my diverse high school years on the East Coast. Going to college and then living in the south, my Christianity was more widely accepted and usually expected. I stopped needing to use the word “relationship” to describe my faith - but maybe it is something that I need to bring back into my vernacular.

Living in Kentucky, Alabama and Tennessee and with my husband being in the ministry, we often talk about being in a relationship with Jesus. We don’t believe that we are saved by being or doing “good,” but rather we believe we are saved by a gift of faith given to us by the Spirit, through the death of the Son, to put us in a right, restored relationship with the Father.

But that hasn’t been the faith that I have often lived out.

Many. Southern Christians, myself included, often approach this relationship where we try earn God’s love, grace and approval - even though we have already been gifted all of those things. Or, we might even try to bargain in our relationships with God, committing to do things for Him in order to get things from Him. Or, we use might use a perceived “closeness” with God to gain influence with others. We would never expect to approach any other person with these motives and have a healthy, growing, life-affirming relationship with them.

Yet, we do so with God.

So, what would a right, healthy, growing relationship with God look like?

With people, we would share interests, and spend time. We would intently listen and transparently share. We would learn more about each other - asking questions and seeking the other’s well-being. If we only checked in occasionally, or approached the other with manipulative motives, protective boundaries would be set, distance would grow and the relationship would end. If one person repeatedly hurt the other, abused their forgiveness, and didn’t reciprocate the level of affection, no one would blame the other person for giving up, walking away, and never speaking to that person again.

With God, though the relationship doesn’t work that way. He defines love differently. He forgives infinitely. He is faithful to never give up on us. Most of the time, He doesn’t speak to us audibly. While He is constantly and consistently revealing Himself to us, we often ignore or blatantly deny His presence in our lives. Because of His character, we cannot have a relationship with Him like we would have with anyone else. The relationship He offers us is completely and utterly unique.

He wants us to “abide” in Him. He wants to be “with” us. He went to great lengths to restore a relationship with His children - so how do we just “be with” God?

This is something that I’ve been working on this year. I approached my quiet time, my Bible study and my prayer time with Him differently. Knowing that my motivations mattered, I opened the pages of my Bible to learn about what God says about Himself and His character in His Word. I wasn’t looking for rules to follow or promises to claim. I just wanted to seek and find Him and He opened my eyes to see Him - Who has been right in front of me all the time.

I listened and looked to hear and to see the truths I was learning in the lyrics of songs and the lines of other texts. I leaned into to dialog with other believers and locked into conversations on a variety of podcasts. I worshipped with other believers at my church and connected with them in my small group. And then, there were times, I just rested. I was still. I relished with just being “with “ God.

My husband is my best friend. I enjoy just being “with” him and it doesn’t matter what we do or where we go. We can talk about anything and everything and nothing at all. I can rest. I can be me. I can laugh. I can cry. I share without fear. I trust him explicitly —— and I know I am very blessed.

Yet, I know as amazing as my relationship is with my man, it pales in comparison to my relationship with my LORD. The analogy falls short because, as sweet as our love is, God’s love is sweeter still - As great a husband he is to me, Wally is still human and it would be unfair of me to expect him to be perfect. Yet, with everything I have learned about the God I am in a relationship with, I can expect perfection from Him because He is perfect. My relationship with my Creator is amazingly unexampled. There is no other I can compare it to, because there is no other I can compare Him with.

I don’t have this “with-ness” all figured out. Sadly, it isn’t my only, or even my default, motivation when I approach Him. Many times I open my Bible out of habitual obligation. Some times my heart isn’t in my singing of worship songs. Other times, I can’t help but nod off, chase my own thoughts and even forget that I was praying while I am talking to Him.

Yet, He still forgives, still loves and still waits for me to be “with” Him. His “side” of the relationship is so unbalanced to my favor. He brings salvation, healing, purpose and identity in exchange for my inadequacies, failures, self-made problems, and trauma-induced hurts from others.

No, my faith is not a religion, but it is just as holy. Something that is set a part is defined as “holy.” My faith in God is a “holy relationship.” It is growing, evolving and promising. It will continue to mature, because He is the One that I am in this holy relationship with, carrying the load, doing the work, loving me.

Photo by Joseph Chan on Unsplash